Ulcerative Colitis & Your Sex Life

A healthy sex life may sound like a contradiction in terms to people with ulcerative colitis (UC). Not only can the pain and fatigue get in the way of intimacy, but the disease's impact on a person's self-image and willingness to take chances can also put a strain on relationships.

Body Barriers

"The first thing that gets in the way is chronic pain," said Dr. Judith Seifer, Ph.D, R.N., and a certified sex therapist, and Director, Behavioral Medicine, West Virginia School of Osteopathic Medicine in an interview. While no one is expected to have sex when they're in pain, tired, or just not feeling well, Dr. Siefer does recommend emphasizing the importance of the feel-good days over the feel-awful days – and taking advantage of them. Too often, concerns over physical appearance go with UC territory. Add in bloating from steroids, ostomy bags or other physical issues, and you've got plenty of ammunition to shoot down your self-image. "Find positive things." Emphasizing strengths and remembering that a relationship is much more than two bodies, can help people build that image back up.

Mood Stoppers

Previous bad experiences – such as pain or incontinence during sex – can squash the moment before it starts. Partners can unwittingly sabotage the moment. "Partners who are very well meaning become very reticent about initiating it." Or, what they might say is: "Do you feel like fooling around? It's O.K. if you don't, really." They're asking and taking it away at the same time." According to Dr. Siefer, a partner who is more inclined to take risks can help balance the relationship.

New Relationships

If you're starting a relationship, don't feel you have to disclose your illness on the very first date or soon after. When the time is right to bring up the subject, keep your explanation simple. Be confident. Your partner will take the emotional cue from you. If you describe ulcerative colitis as manageable, your partner will manage it with you.

Saying Yes

"It really is very simple. In my experience about 90% of treatment is an attitude replacement," said Dr. Siefer. That means replacing negative thinking with a positive outlook. For example, Dr. Siefer says her clients often dwell on their difficult days. She tells them, "You're choosing to be with your discomfort." It's a mindset change. It's as simple as replacing "We haven't had sex in three weeks because of my disease" to "The sex we had three weeks ago was wonderful. As soon as I'm feeling better, I'd like to do that again."